Love or Lust?
by kittyluvr
Summary: Hermione is confused about her feelings. She loves Ron but when Harry gets into strife she discovers something in her heart for him. Who will she choose? Can love really survive? Warning: Romance with some angst in first chapter. HGRW, HGHP?, HPGW? R&R!
1. The Duel

This is a follow on of my one-shot _A Hidden Secret_. If you haven't read it please read it now because it explains how Ron and Hermione got together! This fic is different to my other one though because the other one is in Ron's POV this is mainly based on Hermione. I intend to make this fanfic romancey and funny. Please inform me if I fail. :P

This story isn't based after any book, I am trying to make it non-specific. However it is after their second year because they know how to duel but probably later because they know some mean spells. If I screw anything up please let me know!

Regarding the genre there isn't that much romance in this chapter but I intend there to be later on. This chapter is mainly the only action in the story and it probably contains a bit of angst as well.

Rated for some violence (in this chapter only) and adult themes.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing! sniff

**Love or Lust?**

Chapter One: The Duel

As soon as the class was dismissed Hermione quickly packed up her books, thanked Professor Flitwick and hurried from the classroom. As she ran through the corridors she thought with good humour how she never would have hurried from a classroom in any of her previous years at Hogwarts. Suddenly she had discovered something she cared for much more than good grades.

She stopped before the portrait of the Fat Lady checking her appearance and catching her breath before stating the password and entering the Gryffindor common room. Her eyes scanned the room until they rested upon a person with blazing red hair. His bright blue eyes lit up when he saw her and when she reached him they settled together in the chair holding hands.

It had taken the Gryffindors a while to accept the thought of Ron and Hermione as a couple. They all had seen something between the two but were shocked when they began spending much more time together and holding hands in public. Eventually they had spoken to them about it and the two had admitted that they were in fact going out. Hearing the words come from their mouths made them believe it but they were still getting used to seeing them together.

Hermione had been nervous about how her friends would take it. She wasn't sure if Ginny would be mad that she would be spending more time with Ron but Ginny surprised her by encouraging their togetherness. Ginny had whispered to her that Ron had liked her, maybe even loved her since second year but had always been too nervous to say anything. Ginny had only found out by accident when she saw a scribble that he had left in one of his old text books that had been handed down to her.

Harry was also fine with them. Both Ron and Hermione were afraid that he might get upset and think that they were excluding him but he seemed truly happy for them. In fact, he seemed more than happy to spend more time with Ginny instead.

"So," Ron began. "Have you written your Potions essay yet?"

Hermione rolled her eyes but grinned. "Do you want me to help you?"

Ron pretended to look surprised. "Well, if that's an offer I am happy to accept."

Hermione ruffled his hair playfully. "Okay c'mon. But I can only help you for half of my free period. Professor Flitwick just gave us the most enormous assignment on the history of hovering charms."

The headed over to one of tables, spread out their books and got down to work. Halfway through Hermione's explanation of how gungelions are grown, harvested, powdered and combined with floggurt root to make an antidote to the after-effects of blugar acne prevention potion Ginny burst into the Common Room. Her eyes scanned the room until she spotted them.

"Come quickly!" she cried almost frantic. "It's Harry."

Hermione's heart skipped a beat at the look on Ginny's face and Ron looked equally as worried.

"Come on." Ginny led them outside into the courtyard where they found Harry face to face with none other than Draco Malfoy. Standing sneering behind Malfoy were his two crones Crabbe and Goyle and standing either side of Harry, backs stiff with suppressed anger were Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas.

Malfoy smirked when he saw them approach. "Needed some backup eh Potter? You should have gotten little Weasley to fetch better help than Weasley and Ganger. They are too busy with each other that they have forgotten that you exist." He let out a laugh of contempt. Ron stiffened and Hermione glared at Malfoy coldly. Obviously the rumours about them had reached the Slytherin house.

"Leave them out of this Malfoy this is between you and me," Harry snarled, his eyes glinting with fury. Hermione was taken aback. Malfoy must have said something awful to put Harry in such a rage. She noticed that both boys had their hands near their wands and hoped that a professor would walk by any moment in case things got out of hand.

Malfoy grinned. "If that's the way you want it Potter. Meet me at the top of the astronomy tower tonight. Midnight. Just you and me." His eyes sparkled dangerously.

"Harry don't!" Hermione pleaded knowing that Harry wasn't likely to back down.

"It's not worth it mate," Seamus said.

"Don't waste your time with this loser Harry," agreed Dean.

Ron didn't say anything. As much as he was concerned for Harry he would love to see Malfoy beaten at his own game.

"What's the matter Potter?" Malfoy spat. "Scared? You can bring along your little friends if it would make you feel any better. I'm sure they would love to see you lose to me!" Crabbe and Goyle sniggered.

Something in Harry snapped. "You're on! Astronomy tower at midnight."

"I'll be waiting." Malfoy walked away followed closely behind by still sniggering Crabbe and Goyle.

Hermione rounded on Harry. "What were you thinking?" she cried, anger and concern written all over her face.

Harry shrugged, his shoulders still tense with anger and muttered, "He had it coming."

"But what if he beats you? Who knows what nasty spells he has up his sleeve!"

"She has a point," Dean agrees unhelpfully.

"Well I'm not asking any of you to come protect me!" Harry said angrily and stormed off.

Seamus and Dean followed. "We'll make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble," they called over their shoulders.

Hermione turned to Ron. "Why didn't you try and stop him?" she demanded.

Ron shrugged, avoiding her eyes. "He's a big boy, he can look after himself."

"He is going to duel Malfoy tonight Ron, who knows what's going to happen! You are his _best friend._ Why didn't you do anything?"

Ron looked up into her eyes angrily. "Maybe I just want Malfoy to get what's coming to him. Harry one of the best duellers in Gryffindor, he can beat him!"

"Well, I hope for Harry's sake that you are right Ron!" Hermione turned and stalked off, closely followed by a worried looking Ginny.

Ron ran a hand through his hair and sighed, his face slowly fading from an angry red to a pink flush. Even though the relationship between them had changed Hermione sure hadn't.

Despite Harry's angry words earlier he was very grateful to them for coming with him. Seamus and Dean stayed behind to make sure they didn't get caught while the four of them made their way up to the astronomy tower. There was barely room for them all under the invisibility cloak but somehow they managed. They took off the cloak before they opened the door at the top of the stairs and filed out onto the top of the tower.

"_Colloportus_," Harry said with a wave of his wand to seal the door.

Malfoy and his gang were waiting for them. Crabbe and Goyle were there as well as Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini. Obviously wanted them to witness Harry's defeat.

Malfoy sneered at them. "Almost thought you weren't going to turn up Potter. Oh, and I see you've brought your cheerleaders."

Ron clenched his fist and Hermione's mouth tightened. Ginny stood tall and defiantly.

"Don't get too confident Malfoy," Harry answered calmly although his insides were in a wild turmoil of nerves. "We haven't even started our duel yet."

"Don't be so anxious Potter you might not live to regret it," Malfoy grinned drawing out his wand and getting into the duelling position. Harry followed suit as the other Gryffindors and Slytherins moved well out of the way. They stood and stared each other out waiting for the other to make the first move. Finally Malfoy thrust his wand forward and shouted "_Petrificus Totalus!_" Immediately Harry pointed his wand towards the incoming spell and cried "_Protego!_" A shimmering barrier encased him and Malfoy's spell bounced off spiralling harmlessly off into the clouds.

Malfoy smirked. "_Finite Incantatem!_" There was a shattering noise and the barrier dissipated. Harry was prepared flicking his wand and yelling "_Incarcerous!_" Ropes sprang out of the ground at Malfoy's feet and bound him tightly. Malfoy's face twisted and he muttered "_Reducto_." The ropes exploded into dust that covered him head to toe. Triumphantly Malfoy raised his wand and repeated "_Reducto!_"

"_Stupefy!_" Harry cried while trying to leap aside but he wasn't fast enough. Malfoy's spell struck him on the shoulder, knocking him backwards and sideways before falling, his head hitting the ground with a sickening crack.

Malfoy's face turned from triumph to a look of disbelief as Harry's spell struck him, sending him flying backwards to land motionless at Pansy Parkinson's feet. Pansy shrieked in horror and desperately tried to shake Malfoy awake. Blaise Zabini stared, eyes wide but expressionless. Crabbe and Goyle retreated into the shadows, faces pale, their eyes popping out of their heads.

Ginny let out a sob and rushed to Harry's side calling his name over and over. Ron swayed on his feet unable to tear his eyes from Harry. Hermione trembled, glued to the spot when she saw a movement out of the corner of her eye. Pansy had snatched up Malfoy's discarded wand and was pointing it at Ginny a murderous look on her face. Hermione whipped out her wand and shouted "_Densaugeo!_" Her spell struck Pansy in the face and Pansy dropped Malfoy's wand and her hands flew to her mouth. Her swelling teeth glinted through her fingers.

Ron slumped to the ground his face in his hands and Ginny continued to cry and clutch at Harry. Hermione was still standing with her wand pointed at Pansy when the door opened with a bang and Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape filed out onto the rooftop.

"Professor Snape, will you fetch Madame Pomphrey to tend to the boys?" Dumbledore ordered before looking over his half-moon spectacles at them. "The rest of you have a lot of explaining to do."

Hermione stared at Harry. He had been lying unconscious in his bed in the hospital wing for two days now. His head was bandaged and the bump that had formed where he had hit the ground protruded slightly. His hair was pushed back by the bandage and his lightning scar showed clearly looking like a horrible omen on his sorry face.

At the other end of the hospital wing a bed surrounded by a curtain contained Malfoy, still recovering from the strong stunning spell Harry had thrown at him. Pansy had left only this morning with her teeth shrunk back to their normal size but still aching terribly. Blaise Zabini hadn't been seen since the incident.

Ginny hadn't left Harry's side since they had left Dumbledore's office but Madame Pomphrey had finally forced her to return to Gryffindor tower to get some rest. She was seriously shaken up by the event and had hardly said a word to anyone during the past two days.

Ron and Hermione had spent most of their time with Harry but the times that they had been away they hadn't left each others sides. They didn't talk just found comfort in the other person's closeness.

Classes had been cancelled for all of them involved in the incident until Dumbledore thought it was necessary for their return. Hermione was surprised to find that she was glad that she didn't have to attend classes. She didn't think she could stand the stares and the questions that she received when she was around the other students all day long.

Their punishment was severe but none of them complained because they were all just grateful that they hadn't been expelled. They had all been given three month long detentions but they weren't to commence until they returned to lessons and Harry had woken up. In the meantime all of their parents had been contacted and they were all treading on thin ice.

Ron noticed Hermione's white face and put an arm around her comfortingly. She shrugged him off irritably and moved to sit in a chair by the bed, her eyes not moving from Harry's face. Ron sat on the edge of the bed looking slightly hurt.

Hermione was slightly angry with Ron. She couldn't help thinking about how Ron had supported Harry on duelling Malfoy instead of trying to stop him. She felt that he had been selfish and couldn't help associating him with the result of the duel. She hated thinking about Ron like that and so forced those thoughts from her mind. Instead she found herself thinking about Harry.

Hermione didn't know what had come over her. Harry had been hurt before, how many times had he ended up in the hospital wing after an unfortunate incident at the Quiddich pitch? But never before had she had this terrible aching feeling deep within her that felt as if it would consume her. Thoughts of Harry had begun to fill her mind and she couldn't last a minute without thinking of him. It was as if he had taken residence within her mind instead of returning to his own body. She had begun to feel guilty about her thoughts about Harry because she hardly ever thought about Ron anymore when it was once he who had occupied her every thought.

She felt Ron's eyes on her and looked up at him. His anxious blue eyes held hers for a few moments before she couldn't bear to look any longer. She felt guiltier than ever. She loved Ron! She knew that she did because she thought it every day and every time she looked at him her heart beat faster. But now she doubted herself, what if she had told herself that she did so many times that she had tricked herself into thinking that she loved him when she really didn't? _When she actually loved Harry_. No! She couldn't love Harry, at least not any more than a friend. She couldn't. She would never betray Ron like that. _Never_.

But the more that she looked at Harry's face and the more that her heart ached for him, the more she realised that she may have already had.

SPELL LIST (in order of appearance):

**Colloportus – **seals a door against being opened.

**Petrificus Totalis** – renders the victim temporarily unable to move.

**Protego **– creates a magical shield to deflect spells from others.

**Finite Incantatem **– removes the effects of any spells currently cast.

**Incarcerous** – summons ropes which bind the victim.

**Reducto** – smashes things.

**Stupefy** – stuns the victim with a bolt of red light.

**Densaugeo** – enlarges the teeth of the victim.

Sorry if reducto isn't exactly right but it was the only spell I could find that kind of fitted the purpose.

Phew that was an exhausting first chapter. Sorry that it is so dramatic and kinda depressing. I actually intend to make this story more of a romance so this is probably the most action (and violence) there will be in the story.

Please let me know what you thought. Constructive criticism welcome! R & R!


	2. Revelations

Hey everyone! I have finally done the next chapter, sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!

I think I have changed my mind about this story. I think this is actually going to be a pretty serious fic and I may put some more action in later chapters. It is still a romance but will be darker and more angsty.

Rated for adult themes.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter :( only the plot of this story :)

* * *

**Love or Lust?**

Chapter Two: Revelations

Hermione was slowly making her way to Gryffindor Tower after spending all evening by Harry's side. He still hadn't woken up; he must've taken that spell pretty hard for it to knock him out for almost three days. Hermione was exhausted and was looking forward to her nice warm bed even though she knew she probably wouldn't sleep a wink. Even so she was walking at a slow pace. Ron had told her he would wait up for her but Hermione didn't really want to see him. She had felt uncomfortable around him ever since the incident. She wasn't sure if it was because she blamed him for what had happened or because she felt guilty of her newfound feelings for Harry. She knew that she was in no state to control her emotions so she preferred to avoid him in case she may say something she may regret.

She sighed and turned a corner almost running straight into Dean Thomas. He jumped in shock. "Oh sorry Hermione. I didn't see you there." He paused for a moment before asking carefully. "How's Harry?"

Hermione shrugged indifferently. "The same as the past few days. Hasn't said a word and has hardly moved a muscle."

"Oh," Dean nodded uncomfortably.

There was a silence and the two of them stood there deep in thought. Hermione sighed. "I can't believe this situation, it all seems like a dream. But then I see Harry lying there. Unmoving, almost . . . lifeless." She bit her lip. "Then it all becomes so real and – well – I'm sorry Dean, I just never thought any of us would end up in this situation."

Dean shrugged. "None of us did. I thought something bad would come from all this but I never imagined something of this magnitude. You are right, it is kind of unbelievable."

Hermione studied his face. Normally Dean was always smiling and joking and he didn't let things get to him. But ever since the incident on the top of the Astronomy Tower he has become so much more serious and a smile is rare. She could tell that he was lacking sleep because of the noticeable dark rings under his eyes. His eyes used to sparkle with mischief but now they seemed dull and somehow shielded. Hermione wondered if she had changed as much.

"I can't," continued Dean hesitantly. "I can't help but think that maybe, maybe if I could have stopped him, talked some sense into him then . . . _this_ wouldn't have happened." Hermione saw the strain on his face.

"No Dean," she looked into his eyes. "No way is this your fault. This is no one's fault, this is just the way everything turned out. I don't think anyone could have stopped Harry anyway." A thought of Ron popped into her head but she put it to the back of her mind. She still hadn't forgiven Ron and he was bewildered by her iciness towards him but she couldn't bring herself to face the issue.

He shook his head his gaze shifting to the floor. "But, if I had just done something sooner, then, then maybe." Hermione saw a flicker of guilt in his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

He sighed. "Seamus and I waited up for you guys that night. We were worried but we didn't want to risk leaving Gryffindor Tower. I decided that we should tell someone. Seamus didn't want to get you guys in trouble but I said that you guys might be in more trouble by yourselves. In the end I went and told Professor McGonagall. Seamus stayed behind to make sure you guys didn't come back while I was gone. McGonagall made me wait in her office while she went to see Dumbledore. I was in there for at least an hour and when she came back she told me everything. I was so worried but she made me go back to the common room. Seamus was still waiting but he had no idea of what had gone on. I'm sorry Hermione, I shouldn't have told on you guys."

Hermione was shocked. "There is no need to be sorry Dean! If you hadn't done that then who knows what would have happened. We should be thanking you for doing that."

Dean still looked ashamed but didn't reply.

Hermione placed a comforting hand on his shoulder but then dropped it just as quickly. "So where are you headed?"

Dean was grateful to the change in topic. "Well, I was going to visit Harry. You?"

She shrugged. "The common room. I just came from the Hospital Wing and Harry's much the same as ever."

"Ah well maybe I won't go then. I did just finish an exhausting essay on unicorns for Care of Magical Creatures and you look like you could use some company." Dean looked at her questioningly.

Hermione smiled, the first one in days. "Thanks Dean."

They walked back the way Dean had come and entered the Gryffindor common room. Hermione spotted Ron in an armchair just as he looked in her direction. For a moment their eyes locked and Hermione could see hurt and confusion in Ron's stare. Hermione looked away her heart thudding painfully in her chest and sat down with Dean in front of the fire. She could feel Ron's gaze on the back of her head but tried to ignore it.

She sighed and snuggled into the chair. "It feels good to be sitting on something other than that hard wooden chair in the hospital wing."

Dean laughed as she bounced slightly in the chair. "At least you haven't been running around to classes all day. You can pretty much relax all day."

"Yeah but I still have to do the homework, which is good because then I have something to do."

"I should give you my homework seeing as you have so much more time to do it than me," Dean joked.

Hermione smiled and opened her mouth to reply when Ron stepped in front of her. She looked up at him with surprise.

"Hermione," Ron began, a hard tone in his voice. "I don't know why you're avoiding me all of a sudden but I am getting sick of it very quickly. If you have a problem come talk to me about it instead of ignoring me. Until then I'll keep out of your way seeing as that seems to be what you want."

"Ron," began Hermione. "I , well . . . maybe that would be best, for the moment." She felt small sitting in the chair with him towering over her.

Ron's eyes flashed angrily. "Fine." He stalked off.

She sighed and put her head in her hands.

Dean looked at her. "What was all that about?"

"It's complicated."

He shrugged. "Everyone says that."

She didn't say anything.

Dean shook his head. "It's okay, you don't have to talk about it. It's none of my business anyway."

Hermione looked up and gave him a small smile. "Thanks Dean, it's no big deal really. I'm sure we'll sort it out." She sounded a lot more confident then she felt.

He nodded dismissively and changed the subject. They talked casually for a while until Hermione felt her eyelids begin to droop. She was about to excuse herself for bed when Ron came through the portrait a strange look on his face. To Hermione's surprise he came over to them.

"Harry's awake," he gasped.

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Dun dun dun! Cliffhanger! Sorry that it's a bit shorter than my first chapter but my first chapter was abnormally long. Please read and review to let me know what you think. As always criticism is welcome!

Wuv Kitty :)


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